Reality television is built on fast romances. That’s how most of the biggest shows are even possible; from Love is Blind to The Bachelor, contestants are encouraged to commit their lives to another person within only weeks of meeting them. These programs don’t often discuss the negative repercussions of this kind of romance, which is why the current season of Chris Coelen’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love has been so refreshing. The LGBTQ+ spin-off of one of Netflix’s most infamously messy projects, this series has long been applauded for having nuanced conversations about modern romance, with the latest installment spotlighting a toxic behavior many (sadly) know well: love bombing. In other shows, this kind of emotional chaos would be the norm, but The Ultimatum: Queer Love shows just how toxic love bombing can — and how it can completely ruin even the best relationships.
You’ve Seen Love Bombing Many, Many Times Before
While The Ultimatum: Queer Love certainly has its messy moments, love bombing is an issue that every romantic reality show is faced with (and that producers often encourage). It refers to a person overloading someone with romantic gestures and kindhearted affection in order to get them to fall for them, quickly. It’s a toxic behavior that can leave vulnerable individuals completely devoted to someone else, a devotion that many of the often conniving contestants on these shows utilize to make themselves feel more adored than others around them.
This is, sadly, one of the most common tactics of manipulative partners, with struggling singles in the real world often having to be wary of people who try to do this…unfortunately, reality contestants don’t have the same luxury. In fact, in many of these fast-paced shows the only way to find a partner is to accept love bombing from someone else, but while most programs would focus on these fleeting feelings, The Ultimatum: Queer Love shows the irreparable damage this can inflict on anyone looking for love.
Love bombing was exemplified early on in The Ultimatum: Queer Love’s current season with the actions of AJ Blount who, when confronted publicly by her girlfriend about refusing to settle down, went on about what a beautiful and amazing person she is — while never responding to the valid critiques she’d just been faced with. It was a kind of deflective affection that AJ started to give most of the women around her, with the moment when our couples are meant to split up into “trial marriages” seeing her get called out by three separate individuals for telling each of them the same thing.
This was already bad, but the really disastrous effects of love bombing came when Mel Vitale and Dayna Mathews spent their entire temporary marriage all over each other, physically and emotionally. Yet as their trail romance winded down and Dayna began to realize just how much she missed her original partner, she was met with anger from Mel, with the other woman explicitly stating how she didn’t understand why her constant affection (of three weeks) wasn’t enough to make Dayna break up with her long-term partner. It left both completely fractured and emotionally exhausted, with not only the intense reaming they each received from their former partners, but Dayna’s clear mental distress showing the disastrous effects of love bombing.
‘The Ultimatum: Queer Love’ Shows That Love Bombing Doesn’t Last
While love bombing is almost never excusable, the cast of The Ultimatum: Queer Love can’t fully be blamed for doing what heterosexual reality contestants have been for decades. Most dating shows are built on people confessing their love for each other within only a week of dating! It’s an inherently flawed formula, one that yields intense drama and the occasional legitimate relationship but is built primarily on people unhealthily trying to make others fall in love with them as fast as possible. And while most programs would let viewers rest in the short-term, volatile affection that this brings, The Ultimatum: Queer Love does something different. It shows just how horrible the effects of love bombing can be, and imparts viewers with a very valuable lesson: absolutely do not do this in your real life!