Seinfeld might be a sitcom, but it never fell into the tropes of other half-hour-long comedies. So many of those shows, from Friends, to The Office, New Girl, The Big Bang Theory, and countless many more suck us in with the ol’ will-they-won’t-they formula. It’s predictable, but we fall for it every time as we get to know these characters and hope that a certain two will fall in love and be together. That’s not what Seinfeld was at all. Outside of one strange early episode, “The Deal”, where Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) and Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) get back together, the only romance we got on Seinfeld was watching them fall apart.
Jerry, Elaine, George (Jason Alexander), and Kramer (Michael Richards) all had their share of relationships over nine seasons, with all of them crashing and burning, but Jerry was the worst. It seemed like he had a new girlfriend every episode. In the 90s, there were a few ways for an actress to get started on TV. Either land a guest role on Law & Order or The X-Files, or play Jerry’s girlfriend of the week on Seinfeld. That’s exactly what happened with Jennifer Coolidge, Courteney Cox, Teri Hatcher, Lauren Graham, Amanda Peet, Debra Messing, and the list goes on. Another name, Christine Taylor, showed up in Season 8’s “The Van Buren Boys” as Ellen. She seemed perfect for Jerry, but his excuses for getting out of the relationship proved that he was always going to be alone.
Jerry Always Had a Reason To Dump His Girlfriends
Who knows what any woman sees in Jerry, but no matter how self-centered he is, he’s always able to land these drop-dead gorgeous women, only to find a way to get out of the relationship, or for his personality to mess things up so badly that they bail. Sometimes it’s the woman who’s at fault, such as when Jerry is dating Beth Lukner (Messing) only to discover that she’s a racist, or when he starts dating his maid, Cindy (Angela Featherstone), who then stops doing everything he paid her for. But let’s not blame the ladies. 99% of the time, you can put it all on Jerry.
In “The Implant”, Jerry is dating Didra (Hatcher), but he messes up a good thing because of his need to know if her breasts are real. In “The Pothole”, he’s with Jenna (Kristin Davis), but he can’t get over it after he accidentally drops her toothbrush in the toilet and doesn’t tell her. In “The Junior Mint”, he’s got a swell woman on his arm named Dolores (Susan Waters), but when Jerry can’t remember her name (it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy), she’s out of there. And let’s not even get started on the unfortunate Celia (Julia Pennington) in “The Merv Griffin Show”, who Jerry drugs so he can play with her toy collection when she’s unconscious. Thankfully, Kramer fills her in and an angry Celia departs. Jerry and these women weren’t made for each other, but then along came Ellen.
Christine Taylor’s Ellen Was “Too Good To Be True”
By Season 8 of Seinfeld, fans long knew the routine. Never get used to one of Jerry’s girlfriends, because she’s not going to be there the next week. Such was also the case for Ellen (Taylor), but their breakup was the strangest of all.
As usual, there are a few interweaving subplots going on in “The Van Buren Boys”. Kramer gets in trouble with a gang that goes by the name of our eighth president, George chooses a slacker kid to be the recipient of the Susan Ross Foundation scholarship, and Elaine is told to ghostwrite Jay Peterman’s (John O’Hurley) autobiography. Those are all funny stories, but it’s the one involving Jerry and Ellen that’s the highlight. They are having a fun first date, with Ellen not only beautiful, but smart, funny, and able to keep Jerry interested in her conversation. But then she decides to get a piece of cake because today’s her birthday. From that moment, Ellen’s stay in Jerry’s life is doomed.
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Understandably, Jerry is confused as to why someone would spend their birthday going out on a first date, and he tells George the same. On top of that, she picked the day. George asks if Ellen is socially awkward, but nope, that’s not it. Jerry lets it go and goes out with Ellen again, but when they’re on a second date, Jerry’s approached by two of her friends, who thank him for taking her out because she really needs it. He thinks he has Ellen figured out now. She must be coming off a bad breakup, but Jerry learns, no, that’s not the issue either. Then Ellen comes back, having checked her voicemails, and lets Jerry know that she has no messages.
Jerry Seinfeld Could Never Commit to Anyone Besides Himself
Jerry should just let it go, but he can’t, of course. George dismisses Ellen as the loser of her group, but Jerry isn’t buying it. There has to be something wrong with Ellen and he’s going to find it. Is she wearing the same clothes? No, sir. Did she use a fork that fell on the floor? Not it. Jerry gives up, deciding that Ellen is fantastic, but when she is introduced to George and Kramer, they look horrified by her. Jerry is excited to spend the weekend with Ellen in Vermont, but his two best male friends intervene, telling Jerry that she’s a loser. They’re worried about him, but Jerry still can’t see anything wrong with her. Ellen’s great! He feels like he’s in an episode of The Twilight Zone, so he decides to introduce Ellen to the two people who matter most: his parents.
Ellen is delightful with Jerry’s parents, Morty (Barney Martin) and Helen (Liz Sheridan), where she talks about getting her Master’s Degree in Paris. Can she get any better?! Yep. She even remembers to get up and put more money in the parking meter for Jerry’s car. How thoughtful of her. Jerry’s parents adore Ellen, loving her brains and personality, while also mentioning her beauty. At first, Jerry is relieved, but the fact that they like her so much worries him. If his weird mom and dad think Ellen’s so adorable, then there must be something truly wrong with her after all. Just like that, Jerry loses interest.
In a 2019 interview with TODAY, Christine Taylor spoke about the Seinfeld experience and her character. She said that the question she gets the most from Seinfeld fans is a quizzical “What was wrong with you?” Taylor called Ellen the perfect girl “but if it passes the parent test, then he can’t stay with her.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Jerry has some serious commitment issues. When he’s dating Jeannie (Janeane Garofalo), who’s exactly like him, he quickly gets engaged, before changing his mind, as he yells to Kramer, “I can’t be with someone like me! I hate myself!”
Another time, girlfriend of the week Patty (Lori Loughlin) tries to get Jerry to open up, but he goes too far, unable to hold in his confusing emotions. “What is this salty discharge?” he wonders while wiping his eyes, before realizing, “I care!” He doesn’t care for long though. Jerry never does. Ellen dodged a bullet. In the end, it’s only poor Morty and Helen that you feel sorry for. There goes their only chance at grandkids and a normal son.
Full episodes of Seinfeld are available to stream on Netflix in the U.S.
